How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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