I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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