Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize