we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
