the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
