brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
