Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Randomize
