all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
