I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
