I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
