Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
