it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My vagina just clenched in fear
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize