haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
