You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
