There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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