i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
