the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I deserve this hangover.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
