Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
