and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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