Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
