My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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