I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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