it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize