Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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