i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
