I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
