Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
