The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I have fence marks all over my body
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
