dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Randomize