You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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