All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
