I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize