You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
