I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize