I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I intend to get homeless drunk
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
