were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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