glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
