Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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