My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
