If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
