my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Enjoy the penises
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
