Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
two words: eviction party
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize