when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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