don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i drank out of a bidet.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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