So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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