I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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