There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
