kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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