I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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