hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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