i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
