Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize