69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
