I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Is it because I queefed?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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