i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize