i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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