I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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