Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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