Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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