You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
