Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
