when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
