You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
