Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
All I want is dick and wine.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
