That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i barfeds in our rink
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
