Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
