I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
