she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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