This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
