haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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