mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
