I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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