She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she told me i tasted like america
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
