i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
