If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
