Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He better not be in your backpack
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
