Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize