What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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