I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
