just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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