I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
