So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
