got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
