Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
