I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
