Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
