Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
