I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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