i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
