how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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