How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
