If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
How many fucks given?
0.12846
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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