Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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