I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
