Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
