i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
