All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize