Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
