Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize