I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
