i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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