you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
