You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I deserve this hangover.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
