Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
