I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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