mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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