I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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