i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
